01438 741177         thewinesociety.com

The Society's Community

The not so positive thread

I often feel that we exhort ourselves to be relentlessly positive in these times.

I do not always find this easy or even possible. I feel sad for people, especially young uns and worried about my family.

I notice other people hinting at this, it can be good to feel you are not alone with it. We make assumptions about others, they must be happier, richer, have more friends, they don’t feel like this, assumptions which have no basis in reality.

Internet forums as others have noted can become places for one-upmanship, we gently twit others or all set upon them for deviating from the herd (guilty as charged).

I’m not sure where I’m going with this, I don’t want to bring others down or start a misery feeding frenzy. But the dangers of isolation with this stuff is real. We are sort of grieving.

I just thought it was important somehow. A nod to worry and sadness, it might even be a unifying thing.


Well said.

I think we need a certain level of acceptance that it’s OK to not be OK, and deal with that, rather than the relentless positivity.

I’m not saying don’t be relentlessly positive if that is what helps you, but don’t feel it’s the only way to get through this (or life in general) if it doesn’t.


With my counsellor’s hat on - I think you’re spot on. Most of us are likely to feel similar grief-related emotions such as anger, disbelief, social bargaining, hope, anxiety, denial etc… and we don’t experience them in a linear way, either. I notice with myself at the moment, that some mornings (such as today) I wake up hopeful, and much less anxious about the future, whereas only yesterday I woke up feeling angry, anxious and definitely ‘in denial’ mode about all that I can’t control and can’t figure out.

It’s such a trite thing to say in my profession, but acceptance is half way to feeling more settled about those feelings. And in the current uncertain period, we may all experience ‘four seasons in one day’ as it were. And that’s perfectly OK!


To be honest, I am actually feeling not so bad about social-distancing. Yes it has its challenges, but for me there are positives too - I appreciate the quietness and reduced traffic for example, and the increased time to enjoy nice meals at home with wine.

But I agree with what you say @Prufrock, and would certainly not exhort myself or anyone else to be positive. It’s just how I personally happen to feel.

It is a lot worse for the poor in this country - they come off worst. Is is all very well for me to practice social-distancing in my (relatively) nice suburban semi, but a very different situation for someone stuck in a grotty bedsit alone, or in a small high-rise flat with children. They seem to get little media attention among all the celebrity luvvies telling us how they are filling their hours.


Very similar view here and ty @Prufrock for bring this up

I’m the eternal optimist but this has, at times, made me question that philosophy. I don’t get “sad” and always have something to do to drag me away from any dark clouds…I know others are not so lucky and we had the recent discussion on that subject.

It does seem everyone is telling you how many online chats they’ve had (we’ve had none that aren’t work) how many quizzes they participated in & their amazing scores (none here), how their virtual supper club went (nope) etc etc - we’ve kept the normal conversations going (albeit those that would have been face to face have been by telephone) and kept a vaguely normal routine - we decided that would put the least pressure on us as a family and pressure is the last thing anyone needs right now.

As always, it is the poor that come off worse in times of hardship - my wife’s school has a very high level of kids that need “support” and thankfully a great team are still at school giving these kids simple things…somewhere warm & safe, somewhere to wash, something to eat. The very poorest of our society don’t have (whatever your paper tells you) computers and games consoles at home to amuse them or to watch an online celeb class, they don’t have another room they can “escape to” they share facilities in HMOs, live in bedsits etc… its these people that I do feel sad for…we are meant to be in the 21st C!


Excellent post. Nothing that makes you feel worse than people preaching second-rate fake positivity :grinning:

I get what Steve is saying, but it’s a lot harder if you’re on your own. And if you’re poor as well… it’s tough, and it’s important to embrace feeling negative too sometimes. It’s a natural reaction.

We are most certainly NOT all in this together, but no surprises there, of course.


Unfortunately, I totally agree with that. As mentioned in previous posts, there are those who will experience this period as truly traumatic. Those with money and power will suffer least, as has been the case for decades now. My prediction is that the gap between the have and have-nots will seriously increase post this pandemic. And I’m talking between countries, as well as individuals.

There is something slightly irritating about pretending that our own society is all of sudden a picture of cohesive, loved up network of support. Only 5 minutes ago we were in the most divided period most of us had experienced. A pandemic is not going to paper over that however many people (justly) clap for the amazing NHS.


Yes, living alone, even not in poverty, would make things a whole lot worse for me


I confess I’m still in some level of denial.

Just three weeks ago I left Chamonix to come home. My main reason was the poor snow conditions, my secondary reason was covid-19 and that mainly about whether I was going to be able to fetch my mother home for the summer as planned. At the time my friends thought I was over reacting as did I if I’m honest.

Now in the blink of an eye my whole world’s turned upside down (not just mine of course!). I couldn’t pick my mum up then and I’m not allowed to now. Three weeks ago my business was doing alright, now I don’t know if it’s going to survive. If it doesn’t I’m now 63 with no pension so that’s me stuffed. Going to the shops today was so depressing with everyone watching everyone else as though they are the enemy (except the supermarket staff who, quite honestly, are a bunch of heroes!).

And yet I’m quite calm about it all. It all seems and feels very unreal. I keep waiting in disbelief to wake up. It’s happened so fast we’ve had no chance to really process just how much the world has changed in just three weeks.

But I am strangely calm about it all. And I hope I’m not just burying my head in the sand. I’ve still got wine, food and a roof over my head so I’m still better off than probably the majority of the world’s population. :smiley:


Just realised that I should perhaps be posting on the “other thread” due to my current positivity. On the other hand this somehow seems like a more natural home for me. Sorry, and I’ll keep any positivity muted and respectful - seriously. And I’m sorry to hear your story @MikeFranklin


I really don’t get the social video conferencing thing. My other half had a “virtual coffee” together with one other friend at a pre-arranged time this morning. Why not just pick up the phone?

Anyway, I should be getting a webcam for my desktop monitor soon, so I can give it more of a try, and not be accused of just speaking from ignorance

1 Like

So just on the webcam thing.
This is the first time I’ve checked the forum tonight as I’ve been talking, firstly to our daughter for an hour and a half, then to friends for the same time , both on different video apps.
Can’t remember a better Friday night. Wine and good chats.

These are difficult times but that was a very positive evening.

Chin up.


We’ve had a few video chats with friends since lockdown. Worked pretty well, probably better than a conference call as we could all see each other - just seemed more social.

My 8 year old daughter loves it. She’s had some really nice catch-ups with her friends, probably one of the things that’s helping keep her (mostly) on the level. Her 4 year old brother and parents just get a bit much hour after hour, day after day.


Following on from what some have posted here.
We are incredibly fortunate to have a roof over our heads, plenty of available food, “enough” wine for the short to medium term, access to local support and membership of a National Health Service.
Much of the worlds population can only dream to be in our position.
We may not like being “Locked Down” or not having access to our “Reserves,” but heck that is not the end of the world.
I love being a “Taffy” and the same being British, and every night I thank my lucky stars that I am a member not only of the Society Club but also of the UK Club!:grinning:


What’s a Taffy? A welsh person. ? I have no clue I’m Irish :shamrock: :wink:


Yes, or if you’re within the boarders of god’s own, one from South Wales usually around Cardiff.

Wales is a bit like Italy in this sense, the one thing we like less than non-Welsh people is people from other bits of Wales :wink:


No need to feel sorry. I don’t even feel particularly sorry for myself. Just getting on with stuff as best I can. And as I said, there are plenty of people with much worse stories even within the UK never mind elsewhere in the world. I’m actually relatively hopeful that I and indeed most of us will come out the other side of this with little serious damage, whilst at the same time appreciating that many won’t be, that many will be losing loved ones and my heart goes out to them.

Against that I am, so far at least, very well off!



The River Taff flows through our national capital, Cardiff.
I was born in what was Saint David’s Hospital in Cardiff,
But it doesn’t matter if you were born in Glyncorrwg, Gilwern, Goytre, or even the highly improbable Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyll-llantysiliogogogoch I think that you are entitled to call yourself a “Taffy!!” :open_mouth::wink::wink:


I grew up in the next village along!


It sounds similar to the transformation the word ‘Yank’ had. It used to only means someone from the Northeastern portion (perhaps still is within the US?) - but I suspect outside of the US, we just mean ‘An American’ when we call them a Septic.

1 Like