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Best Christmas joke?

Come on then all you budding stand-uppers! Let’s hear your best Christmas related joke. Keep it clean (as if I needed to say that!) Here’s a starter…

Q: What do you call a group of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. :rofl:

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BBC Xmas TV schedule! Sorry that should be under the ‘biggest joke ever’ thread.

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This is the punchline but you will need to google the entire joke… you will also need to have seen the Fairy Liquid ad. & be older than the invention of the automatic dishwasher.

Hans that do dishes can be as soft as Gervaise, with mild green hairy lip squid

I’ll get my coat.

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How does king Wenceslas like his pizza?

Deep pan, crisp and even

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It’s a cracker🥳

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We are only having carrots, peas and broccoli with the Turkey this year … 52% of the family said no to brussels

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Our government …….

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Drat, you got that in just before me.

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I can see you’re all not trying hard enough so here’s another ‘corker’ or should that be ‘cracker’?

My wife bought me a lovely Christmas jumper last week but I kept getting a shock from the static electricity it attracted. So I went back to the shop and exchanged it for a more expensive one…free of charge!!!

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My first time in the community, it’s nice to see a little Christmas spirit.

Why does Santa never have to pay for parking?
Because it’s on the house…

I asked my dog to being me a glass of red wine.
He’s a Bordeaux collie…

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That’s the spirit Jill! A couple of corkers and a wine reference too! Welcome to the Community!

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image

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Have you heard about the bloke who was frightened of Christmas? Noel Coward!

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Baby Jesus was born quite a bonny lad! He arrived at a respectable 7lbs 3oz. How did they know you might ask? Well, he had 'a weigh in a manger"

Come on you lot, try and get a little more festive. It’ll keep your mind off those late deliveries.

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This one was a bit ‘hot’, despite its low alcohol. Purplish colour, arresting mouthfeel, full, spicy, perhaps a bit sweet.

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Sorry, forgot the photo

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later

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